Gotham!
by Unsound Escape
Summary: So this is my first crossover! It's Harley Quinn as Roxie Hart! An idea given to me by my best friend MissMadHattie!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I don't own anything Batman or Chicago! related. If I did I wouldn't be on FanFic! All rights and credit where it's due to the creators and the writers!**

So for some of these chapters i'll be sticking as well as I can to the Chicago! story line and for some chapters

* * *

**Batman:** Ladies and gentlemen! The Iceberg Lounge is proud to present Gotham's hottest dancing duo! Two Jazz babes moving as one: The Kyle Sisters!

**Selina Kyle:**

_Come on, babe Why don't we paint the town? And all that jazz  
I'm gonna rouge my knees And roll my stockings down And all that jazz  
Start the car I know a whoopee spot Where the gin is cold But the piano's hot!  
It's just a noisy hall Where there's a nightly brawl And all that jazz  
And all that jazz  
And all that jazz  
Slick your hair and wear you buckle shoes And all that jazz  
I hear that Father Dipp Is gonna blow the blues And all that jazz,  
Hold on, hon' We're gonna bunny hug I bought some aspirin Down at United Drug  
In case you shake apart And wanna brand new start To do that- jazz!  
Find a flask We're playing fast and loose And all that jazz  
Right up here Is where I store the juice And all that jazz  
Come on, babe We're gonna brush the sky I betcha Lucky Lindy never flew so high  
'Cause in the stratosphere How could he lend an ear To all that jazz?  
Oh, you're gonna see your Sheba shimmy shake And all that jazz  
Oh, she's gonna shimmy Till her garters break And all that jazz  
Show her where to park her girdle Oh, her mother's blood'd curdle (If she'd hear her baby's queer) For all that jazz  
All that jazz  
Come on, babe Why don't we paint the town? And all that jazz (And all that jazz)  
I'm gonna rouge my knees And roll my stockings down And all that jazz (And all that jazz)  
Start the car I know a whoopee spot Where the gin is cold But the piano's hot!  
It's just a noisy hall Where there's a nightly brawl And all that jazz  
No, I'm no one's wife But, oh, I love my life And all that jazz (That jazz)_

"C'mon babe." Amadeus Arkham said slapping Harleen's butt and leading her out the door. They'd met at the Iceberg Lounge before, Harley couldn't figure out why she was so nervous _tonight_. Ricky was working late and it wasn't her _first_ time doing this. She really needed this job at Arkham and he'd promised her an interview if she did this. Her apartment, which was only a couple blocks over, seemed miles away because Amadeus stopped every couple steps to kiss her and grab her behind. When they finally got into the building he slammed her into the door of her nosy neighbor, Doris, who promptly opened her door. "Hey, Doris!" Harley gushed as he chuckled slightly and tried to kiss her. "This is.. um... My cousin!" She lied, pulling him away from her door and up the stairs to her apartment.

Amadeus was so piss drunk Harley was surprised she could even get a rise out of him, let alone get it three times. They'd been laying wrapped up in each other's arms for a while before Amadeus got up and began to get dressed. He hastily threw on his pants fiddled with the zipper. "Babe," Harley said, sitting up and staring lovingly at him. He threw on his shirt as she approached him. She buttoned his shirt for him as he put on his belt. "Y'know I don't need a real fancy office at Arkham, but a nice one wouldn't hurt, y'know?" She said low and seductive. He looked down at her, uninterested. When she finished buttoning his shirt he grabbed his tie and tried to tie it. "Actually any office'll do as long as I just get the jo-" Amadeus shoved her away and tied his own tie. "You're annoying when you speak, you know that?" He said as he grabbed his hat and his coat. "You'd never be able to keep a job at Arkham, sweetheart. You're too easy. You'd probably sleep with a patient." Harley looked up at him confused. "You said you were gonna get me a job...?" She asked as she stood up slowly. "And I'd say I was Batman to get a piece of this." He said grabbing her butt again. "You... you _lied_ to me!" She said tearing up as he turned again to leave. "You lied to me!" She shrieked, furious. "You're a liar!" She screamed as he grabbed the handle. _This can't be happening!_ she thought. She raced over to the chest where Ricky kept his gun. "You're a dirty liar!" She screamed one last time before she shot him.

_Bang!_

Not once.

_Bang!_

Not Twice.

_Bang!_

But three times.

* * *

So? How was it? Please review! It's really appreciated. This will be more of a background story, so I might not be updating for a while... This is also my first crossover! *applause* Yee ;D


	2. Chapter 2

**Batman:** For her first number Miss Harleen Quinzel sings a song of love and devotion dedicated to her dear husband, Ricky.

_Sometimes I'm right, sometimes I'm wrong But he doesn't care, he'll string along  
__ He loves me so That funny honey of mine_

"I came home and there was my little Harley, sleeping like an angel."

_Sometimes I'm down, sometimes I'm up  
But he follows 'round like some droopy-eyed pup  
He loves me so That funny honey of mine_

"There he was trying to climb through the window. Well a man got the right to protect his home and his loved ones, right?"

_He ain't no sheik, that's no great physique  
Lord knows, he ain't got the smarts  
But look at that soul, I tell you that whole Is a whole lot greater than the sum of his parts  
And if you knew him like me I know you'd agree_

"He was trying to burgle us!"

_What if the world slandered my name?  
Why, he'd be right there taking the blame  
He loves me so and it all suits me fine  
That funny, sunny, honey, hubby of mine!_

"Well apparently he's been 'burgling" you every Saturday night for the past month."

"Huh?"

_He loves me so That funny honey of mine_

"We have a witness that says that every Saturday night he's been spotted heading up here with your little 'angel.' followed by some... Rather appalling noises."

"Ms. Doris, is this him?"

"Mmhmm. That's him."

_ Lord knows he ain't got the smarts_

"Little whore..."

_Now he's shot of his trap I can't stand that sap_

"I'm sorry?"

"She told me to take the blame for her! That i'd get off easy if I did!"

_Look at him go, rattin' on me_  
_ With just one more brain what a half-wit he'd be_  
_ If they string me up I'll know who brought the twine  
That scummy, crummy, dummy, hubby of mine_

"Oh!" Harley yelled as she approached her husband. "You little lyin' whore!" Ricky yelled grabbing her shoulders and shaking her violently. They argued back and forth too quickly for Harvey Bullock to keep up. All he could make out was "You're just a whore!", "What did you expect?", and "I wish I killed you 'stead-a him!" As soon as she said it she threw her hands over her mouth. "That's enough." Commissioner Gordon said as he drew out his hand cuffs and pulled Harley's hands behind her back. "No, no you don't understand! He was a liar! He was a dirty liar! It was self-defense! I want a lawyer!" She shouted as they dragged her out of her apartment. Ms. Doris frowned at Harley, who was thrashing around and screaming obscenities. She was thrown into the backseat of a cop car. "Trial won't take long." The officer that took the driver's seat said to the one that took the passenger's seat. They looked back at her. "If the judge don't kill her the other inmates will."

* * *

**Batman: **And now ladies and gentlemen - the Countess of the clink, the mistress of Murderers Row, the beautiful Poison Ivy!

_Ask any of the chickies in my pen_  
_ They'll tell you I'm the biggest Mutha. . . .Hen_  
_ I love them all and all of them love me -_  
_ Because the system works;_  
_ the system called reciprocity!_

"Welcome, ladies."

_Got a little motto_  
_ Always sees me through_  
_ "When you're good to Ivy_  
_ Ivy's good to you"._

"You might think being here would make life a living hell, which is not true."

_ There's a lot of favors_  
_ I'm prepared to do_  
_ You do one for Ivy_  
_ She'll do one for you._

"l'd be your friend if you let me. So if something upsets you or makes you unhappy in any way, don't shoot your fat-ass mouth on me 'cause l won't give a shit."

_ They say that life is tit for tat_  
_ And that's the way I live_  
_ So, I deserve a lot of tat_  
_ For what I've got to give_  
_ Don't you know that this hand_  
_ Washes that one too_  
_ When you're good to Ivy_  
_ Ivy's good to you!_

Poison Ivy was Gotham's cover girl. She was beautiful and curvy. Every other inmate that trailed behind her paled in comparison to the beauty leading them. She showed each of them to their cells until it was just her and Harley walking the catwalk. A hand shot out of a cell and grabbed Ivy's arm. "Hey Ivy, come here!" Selina Kyle purred as Poison Ivy turned to face her. "Selina Kyle? You're the Selina Kyle? You know I was there that night? I was there that night that you got arrested." Selina didn't even look up at her. "Yeah, you're a half of Gotham. Look at this, Ivy. Another story of announcing me in Redbook magazine. 'Not in memory do we recall so finishing horrible in double homicide.'" Ivy chuckled. "Maybe you couldn't buy that kind of publicity."  
"Couldn't buy it? I guess I can keep these then." Selina asked holding up two twenties. "Let's try." Ivy said snatching them from her hand and walking away, Harley hot on her trail.

_If you want my flower  
Weed my garden too  
Water it for Ivy  
She'll flourish for you  
When they pass that basket  
Folk contribute to  
You put in for Ivy  
She'll put out for you  
The folks atop the ladder  
Are the ones the world adores  
So boost me up my ladder, Kid  
And I'll boost you up yours  
Let's all stroke together  
Like the Princeton crew  
When you're strokin' Mama  
Mama's strokin' you  
So what's the one conclusion  
I can bring this number to?  
When you're good to Ivy  
Ivy's good to you!_

"Ivy? It's... kinda freezing in here. You don't think maybe there's something wrong with the heat? Not that I'm complaining, mind you but... you know... lf you can bring some blankets on the way..." Ivy slammed the cell door in her face and walked away. One of the guards appeared in front of her cell. "Lights out." He winked. Harley sighed as the sound of generators shutting down in different areas overcame any other sounds. _I guess I made it to Arkham after all..._ She though as she laid down on her cot. _Just not how I imagined it..._

* * *

**A/N: So in the next chapter I'm gonna need a little more time to write because I'm changing a majority of the song... Please tell me how you feel and what you think! I love you all! :D**


	3. Chapter 3

**Batman:** And now, the six merry murderers from Arkham Asylum in their rendition  
of The Cell-block Tango.

_Dummy_  
_Flash_  
_Secret_  
_Uh-uh_  
_Kitten_  
_Baker_

**_Sugar_**  
_You know how people have these little habits that get you down? Like Batman._  
_Batman liked to call my Scarface a puppet. No not a puppet. A Dummy._  
_So Bats shows up this one day and I'm real irritated and I just want him to leave and there's Scarface._  
_Sittin on my lap and Batman says "Give me the puppet." No, not puppet. Dummy. So,_  
_I said to him, I said, "You call him a Dummy one more time..."_  
_And he did_  
_So I hand Scarface the detonator and he blew a hole in the ground..._  
_... Under his feet._

_He had it coming_  
_ He had it coming_  
_ He only had himself to blame._  
_ If you'd have been there_  
_ If you'd have heard it_  
_ I betcha you would _  
_ Have done the same!_

**_White Rabbit_**  
_I met the Batman here in Gotham about four years ago and people told me he_  
_was asexual and we hit it off right away. So Me and Clayface started working together. He'd_  
_plot, i'd work on my toxin's potency, and the time came to meet Batman._  
_And then I found out. "Asexual" they told me? Asexual my ass. Not only is he_  
_straight... Oh, no, he was practically drooling when he saw me. So that_  
_night, when Clayface had him pinned down I prepared to inject him with my toxin._  
_You know, some guys just can't fight crime alone._

__He had it coming_  
_ He had it coming_  
_ He only had himself to blame._  
_ If you'd have been there_  
_ If you'd have heard it_  
_ I betcha you would _  
_ Have done the same!__

**_Talia Al Ghul_**  
_Now I'm sitting in the Batcave searching the computer for information, minding my_  
_own business, and then a large heavy door opens, revealing the Batman. "I'll be_  
_back later Alfred." He says. He was coming towards me. "Were you on the Batcomputer, sir?"_  
_Alfred asked pointing at me. I tried to escape but he caught up to me. But I know his secret._  
_Batman is..._

__He had it coming_  
_ He had it coming_  
_ He only had himself to blame._  
_ If you'd have been there_  
_ If you'd have heard it_  
_ I betcha you would _  
_ Have done the same!__

**_Hunyak_**  
_Mit keresek, enn itt? Azt mondjok, hogy lakem lefogta a ferjemet en meg_  
_lecsaptam a fejet. De nem igaz, en artatlan vagyok. Nem tudom mert mondja_  
_Uncle Sam hogy en tetten. Probaltam a rendorsegen megmagyarazni de nem_  
_ertettek meg..._

__He had it coming..._  
_ He had it coming..._  
_

**_Selina Kyle  
_**_My sister, Maggie, and I had this double act and my boyfriend, Bruce,_  
_traveled around with us. Now for the last number in our act, we did these 20_  
_acrobatic tricks in a row, one, two, three, four, five... Splits, spread_  
_eagles, back flips, flip flops, one right after the other. Well, this one_  
_night before the show we are in a hotel Kitten, the three of us, sittin' up_  
_in a hotel room, boozin' and havin' a few laughs and Bruce had to go, so I_  
_walked him to the lobby. I come back, open the door And there's Maggie and_  
_my ex, Charlie, doing number seventeen- the spread eagle._  
_Well, I was in such a state of shock, I completely blacked out. I can't_  
_remember a thing. It wasn't until later, when I was washing the blood off my_  
_hands I even knew they were dead._

_They had it coming  
They had it coming  
They had it coming all along.  
I didn't do it  
__(She does not do it )  
But if I'd done it  
(she'd done it)  
How could you tell me that I was wrong?  
They had it coming  
They had it coming  
They had it coming  
They had it coming  
They had it coming  
They took a flower  
(All along)  
In its prime  
I didn't do it  
(And then they used it)  
But if I'd done it  
(And they abused it)  
How could you tell me  
(It was a murder)  
That I was wrong?  
(But not a crime!)_

**_Poison Ivy  
_**_I loved Tim Baker more than I could possibly say. He was a real smart_  
_guy... Sweet... A doctor. He was always trying to help others out. He'd stay _  
_at work late every night "helping" people and along the way he helped Claire,_  
_Joan, Amanda, and Bartholomew._  
_I guess you can say we broke up because of health problems. His diagnosis said_  
_ alive and mine said dead._

_The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum  
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum_

_They had it comin'  
They had it comin'  
They had it comin'  
They had it comin'  
They had it comin'  
They had it comin'  
All along  
All along  
'Cause if they used us  
'Cause if they used us  
And they abused us  
And they abused us  
How could you tell us  
How could you tell us  
That we were wrong?  
That we were wrong?_

_You call him a Dummy one more time  
Asexual my ass  
I know his secret  
Miert csukott Uncle Sam bortonbe  
the spread eagle  
health problems_

___Dummy_  
_Flash_  
_Secret_  
_Uh-uh_  
_Kitten_  
_Baker___

Harley was pushing the cleaning cart down the hall singing to herself when she overheard Poison Ivy's voice in the rec room. "...l can take care of you. There're a couple of things, let me analyze to you. Now, Harvey Dent set a travel on March 5th. March 7th, you would be aquitted. On March 8th, you know what Ivy's gonna do for you? Ivy's gonna put you back on the  
stage, where you belong." Harley pulled the mop out of the bucket and peeked around the corner to see Ivy leaning against the wall beside the couch that was facing the TV. Selina was sitting on it pretending to pay attention to the reality TV show in front of her. "So now you're an agent too?" Selina said leaning back and looking over at Ivy. "Until you install private line in your cell, all calls are gonna go through me." She joked. "Eavesdropping, Miss. Quinzel?" Someone whispered in her ear. She whipped around to see a pale white face with a red bright red Chelsea smile. "You're the Joker." She gasped in horror. "Yes, and you're the cutest little killer I've ever seen. What'd the guy do? Steal your candy?" Harley stared at him for a moment. _How'd I get here? I'm having a leasurely conversation with the most dangerous man in Gotham about why I killed my lover. _"He lied to me... He told me he'd get me a job here, but instead he got me sent here..." She said looking down and swishing the mop from side to side. "And you wanna get out?" He asked sincerely. Selina Kyle bumped past the two and Harley held up one finger to the Joker, as if to say hold on and chased after her. "Miss Kyle!" She said when she was within earshot. "Hey, listen. Can l ask you something? You know that Bullock guy? He's prepared to ask for the maximum penalty for what I've done..." Selina looked at her with disgust and disinterest on her face. "Yeah? So?" she asked crossing her arms. "So... I'm scared. I sure would appreciate some advice, especially from someone I admire as much as you. Since I can remember, I have wanted to be on the stage..."  
"Really? What's your talent? Washing and drying?" Selina asked with a smile. Harley furrowed her brow. "No. I dance in the chorus. That was before I met my husband..."  
"Look, honey, you want some advice? Here it is, direct from me to you. Stay away from me, okay?" She growled and walked away. The Joker clapped her on her back. "She's not that nice, ain't she? I tell you, no matter how big she gives, she's still as common as ever. I'd like to help you, baby. Take aloft. So, what do you figure to use it for grounds?" Harley looked up as him confused. "What are you gonna tell the jury?" He tried. "Oh! I'm just gonna tell 'em the truth!" He looked down at her in disbelief. "The truth will get you a one way ticket to the electric chair." He said with a slight chuckle. "Well I still don't have a lawyer..." She said looking down again. "You don't need a lawyer." He said lifting her face by her chin. "You need Harvey Dent."


	4. Chapter 4

"Clown's right." Poison Ivy said as she entered the corridor. "Every girl in this place would kill to have Hervey Dent representing them."

_We want Harvey  
Give us  
Harvey  
__H-A-R-V-E-Y  
We're all his  
He's our kind of a guy  
And ooh what luck  
Cause here he is.._

**Batman: **Ladies and gentlemen, presenting the silver tongue, prince of the courtroom,  
the one and only... Hervey Dent!

_I don't care about expensive things  
Cashmere coats, or diamond rings  
Don't mean a thing  
All I care about is love  
That's what I'm here for  
I don't care for wearin' silk cravats  
Ruby studs, satin spats  
Don't mean a thing  
All I care about is love  
All he cares about is love  
Give me two  
Eyes of blue  
Softly saying  
I need you  
Let me see her standin' there  
And honest, mister, I'm a millionaire  
I don't care for any fine attire  
Vanderbilt might admire  
No, no, not me  
All I care about is love...  
(All he cares about is love)_

"Excuse me, gentlemen. Miss Kyle, do you remember anything at all about that night" Vicki Vale asked, elbowing her way through the crowd of reporters. "I passed out. I can't remember a thing. Only that I didn't do it." Vicki narrowed her eyes "Any idea who did it?" Harvey appeared behind Selina and butted in. "No. But my client is offering a substantial reward to anyone with information about this crime" The cameras flashed some more as Vicki scribbled down the latest news. "How much is the reward, Miss Kyle?" Vicki asked raising her pencil in the air."We'll work it out after the trial. Now, if there's no more question, Miss Kyle and I have got a lot of work to do." He said as Selina got up and the two walked away from the rowdy reporters. Harley grabbed Harvey's arm " Mr. Dent!" She said when he turned to her. "Mr. Dent! I'm Harleen Quinzel. I was hoping you'd represent me..."  
"You have $5,000?" Harley gasped at the price. "That's a lot of money. No one said anything about $5,000. Look, Mr. Dent. I'm not very good at this sort of thing, but... Maybe we could make some sort of arrangement between us. And I can be an awfully good sport." He chuckled. "Good, you got the idea system. Listen, you mean just one thing to me. You call me when you got $5,000." He said pulling his arm away and following Selina Kyle.

_All he cares about is love  
Show me long Raven hair  
Flowin' down, about to there  
When I 've seen  
Her runnin' free  
Keep your money, that's enough for me  
I don't care for drivin' Packard cars  
Or smoking Long Buck Cigars  
No, no, not me  
All I care about is  
Doin' the guy in  
Who's pickin, on you  
Twistin' the wrist  
That's turnin' the screw  
All I care about  
is love!_

"Mr. Dent will see you now." The secretary said as she passed Ricky. He got up and walked into the office. "Hello Roger." Harvey said. "Ricky... My name is Ricky." Ricky said approaching the desk. "That's right. Take a seat. You know, you're a remarkable man. Your wife used you twice. Pluck the guy and try to pick it on you. Most men are gonna dim like that swing. But no, you're sticking by her. Actually you're a hero in my eyes." Harvey said pulling out his box of cigars. "No, thanks. I don't smoke." Ricky said politely. "And I didn't ask." Harvey said looking Ricky up and down as he pulled one out. He cut off the end and lit the cigar. "Did you bring the money?" Harvey asked through a cloud of smoke. "Yessir... but I didn't do as well as I had hoped..." He said pulling out 2,500 dollars cash. "That's not 5,000 dollars." Ricky shifted uncomfortably in his seat "Well... that's all I got so far. But I'd give you $20 of my salary every week. I'd give you a note with interest. Double, triple, until every cent is paid, I promise!" He said. "You came to me yesterday, I didn't ask you if she's guilty. I didn't ask if she's innocent. I didn't ask you if she's drunk, or a dope, no! All I said was, do you have $5,000? You said yes! But you don't have $5,000! So I figure you're a dirty liar and I don't waste my time with dirty liars." Harvey said turning away from him in disgust. Ricky dropped his head.  
"On the other hand, your devotion to your wife is really very touching. I'll take your wife's case. And I'll keep it. Because I play square.. All right, this is what we gonna do. At the end of the week, I'm gonna have Harley's name at the front page of every newspapers in town.  
Sweetest little killer in Gotham. That's the angle I'm after. You make an announcement, we're gonna have an auction. Tell them we gotta raise some money for the defense. They'll buy everything that she touched. Everything. Her  
shoes, her dresses, her perfumes, her underwear!" This case would get Harvey Dent to DA status like that!


	5. Chapter 5

"Where were you born?" Harvey asked sitting across from Harley. "In an old apartment building in Boston." Hervey thought for a moment before speaking again. "A penthouse suite in the nicest apartment building in Boston! Where are your parents now?" He asked staring deep into her eyes. "Probably sittin in the living room arguing away..."  
"Parents dead, family fortune swept away! You were sent to a private school here in Gotham where you met Ricky, and Bang! Run away marriage!" Harley looked up at him in awe. "God, that's great!" His eyes snapped back down to her. "Cut out God. Stay where you're better acquainted..." He murmured.

After weeks of practicing what Harley was going to sat in her cell, reading her own name on the cover of the newspaper. "You're newslining, kiddo!" The Joker said as he entered her cell and took a seat on the edge of her bed. They'd become friends in the short amount of time she'd been there. "What's wrong, J?" She asked putting down the newspaper and scrambling down to sit next to him. "I'm breakin' outta here. I can't take it anymore..." He said covering his face with his hands. Harley frowned and kissed him on the cheek. "Will I ever see you again?" The Joker looked up at her bewildered. "Not even the Bat can keep me from you!" He said taking her in his arms and inadvertently pulling her into his lap. He kissed her forehead. Selina Kyle walked in at that moment, causing the two inmates to struggle awkwardly to untangle themselves from each other. "I'm sorry. Is this a bad time?" She asked jabbing her thumb in the opposite direction. "No, I was just leaving..." He said as he got up to leave. In the cell's doorway he turned back to Harley. "See ya around, kiddo..." He murmured. Once he left Harley picked her newspaper back up and tried to act uninterested in whatever Selina had to say. "Hey, I heard your press conference is tomorrow." She murmured. Harley didn't even look up. "Yeah, what is to you?" Harley asked. "Well, you wanted my advice, right? Well her it is," Selina said approaching Harley and ripping the paper from her hands. "Don't forget Harvey Dent's number-one client is Harvey Dent." Harley looked up at her. _I was gonna cut out my headlines..._ she though pitifully. "And what do you mean by that." She said trying to feign authority. "I mean, don't let him hog the spotlight. You're the one that pays the scene." Selina said masking the mischievous joy in her voice.

"Thank you, gentlemen. Miss Vale. My client just entered pleads of not guilty. We look forward to the trial the earliest possible dates. Now is there any question? Miss Vale." Harvey asked.

"As you know, my paper is dry. Do you have any advice for young girls, speaking to avoid the life of murder?" Vicki Vale asked, bubbly as ever. Harvey smiled down at her. "Absolutely yes. Mrs. Quinzel feels that it was the tragic combination of alcohol and stress, which lead to the downfall. Next question, please-" Harley looked up at him. "I wasn't stressed!" She said stamping her foot. Se looked out at the crowd of reporters remembering what Selina said. _Don't let him hog the spotlight. You're the one that pays the scene... _She sighed. " I bet you want to know why I shot the bastard." She asked leaning over the podium." Harvey looked down at her alarmed and elbowed her in the ribs. "Shut up, dummy."

**Batman: **Mr. Harvey Dent in the press conference rag. Notice how mouth never moves... almost.

[Reporter]  
Where'd you come from?

[Harvey Dent]  
Home in Boston

[Reporter]  
And your parents?

[Harvey Dent]  
Very wealthy.

[Reporter]  
Where are they now?

[Harvey Dent]  
Six feet under.  
But she was granted one more start  
The private school at Gotham's Heart

[Reporter]  
When'd you get here?

[Harvey Dent]  
1990

[Reporter]  
How old were you?

[Harvey Dent]  
Don't remember

[Reporter]  
Then what happened?

[Harvey Dent]  
I met Ricky  
And he stole my heart away  
Convinced me to elope one day

[Vicki Vale]  
Oh, poor girl, I can't believe what you've been through. Lost your parents, a  
runaway marriage. Now tell us Harleen.  
Who's Amadeus?

[Harvey Dent]  
My ex-boyfriend.

[Reporter]  
Why'd you shoot him?

[Harvey Dent]  
I was leavin'.

[Reporter]  
Was he angry?

[Harvey Dent]  
Like a madman  
Still I said, Dea, move along.  
She knew that she was doin' wrong.

[Reporter]  
Then describe it.

[Harvey Dent]  
He came toward me.

[Reporter]  
With a pistol?

[Harvey Dent]  
From my bureau.

[Reporter]  
Did you fight him?

[Harvey Dent]  
Like a tiger.  
He had strength and she had none.  
And yet we both reached for the gun  
Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes we both  
Oh yes we both  
Oh yes, we both reached for  
The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun  
Oh yes, we both reached for the gun

[All]  
Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes they both  
Oh yes, they both  
Oh yes, they both reached for  
The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun,  
Oh yes, they both reached for the gun  
for the gun.

[Harvey Dent]  
understandable. understandable  
Yes, it's perfectly understandable  
Comprehensible. Comprehensible  
Not a bit reprehensible  
It's so defensible!

[Reporter]  
How're you feeling?

[Harvey Dent]  
Very frightened

[Vicki Vale]  
Are you sorry?

[Harleen Quinzel]  
Are you kidding?

[Reporter]  
What's your statement?

[Harvey Dent]  
All I'd say is  
Though my choo-choo jumped the track  
I'd give my life to bring him back

[Reporters]  
And?

[Harvey Dent]  
Stay away from

[Reporters]  
What?

[Harvey Dent]  
Stress and liquor

[Reporters]  
And?

[Harvey Dent]  
And the men who

[Reporters]  
What?

[Harvey Dent]  
Play for fun

[Reporters]  
And what?

[Harvey Dent]  
That's the thought that

[Reporters]  
Yeah

[Harvey Dent]  
Came upon me

[Reporters]  
When?

[Harvey Dent]  
When we both reached for the gun!

[Harvey Dent and Vicki Vale]  
Understandable, understandable  
Yes, it's perfectly understandable  
Comprehensible, comprehensible  
Not a bit reprehensible  
It's so defensible!

[Reporters]  
Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, they both  
Oh yes, they both  
Oh yes, they both reached for

[Harvey Dent]  
Let me hear it!

[Reporters]  
The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun  
Oh yes, they both reached  
For the gun  
For the gun

[Harvey Dent]  
A little louder!

[Reporters]  
Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, they both  
Oh yes, they both  
Oh yes, they both reached  
\- Oh, yeah  
For the gun, the gun, the gun, the gun  
Oh yes. They both reached  
For the gun  
Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, they both  
Oh yes, they both  
Oh yes, they both reached for  
The gun, the gun, the gun,the gun  
Oh yes, they both reached for the gun.  
Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, they both  
Oh yes, they both  
Oh yes, they both reached for  
The gun, the gun, the gun,the gun

[Harvey Dent]  
Both reached for the...gun

* * *

:D What're you thinkin'? Think they both reached for the gun?

And for those of you who are asking about roles (Jen ;])... Joker takes lines and scenes from both Mama and Billy Flynn... He doesn't actually fit anywhere else to me... :) hope you enjoyed!


	6. Chapter 6

**Vicki Vale:**

"...Our fair city has taken a new criminal to a charge. Let me remind you the name is, Harleen Quinzel. The sweetest lady ever accused in a murder in Gotham. Women want to look like her. Fellows want to go out with her. Some little girls even want to take her home. Don't get any ideas, little lady. On the other side of town, the assistant D.A.-"

The Joker turned off his TV and sat on the edge of his bed. _L__ittle blue-eyed devil._ He chuckled to himself. _I'll be back for you... I promise..._

* * *

Harley Quinzel spent her nights in what was as close to luxury as she'd ever been. People sent her silks and furs and chocolates and cards, she couldn't keep track! Everywhere she turned there she was. She wrote every night in her diary what she planned to say in her big interview after she got off...

"Good Evening, Gotham!" Owen Monet would say cheerfully as he takes his seat behind his beautiful oak wood desk. After the applause dies down he'd say "Tonight we have a very special guest..."

This is when all of the producers would take her over to the curtain that would rise when he'd say her name. They'd check her mic, fix her makeup and hair, and make sure she knew which camera to look into.

"Please welcome Harleen Quinzel!" He'd yell as the applause fired up again. The curtain would rise and she'd strut out looking into camera three, which would follow her from the curtain to the chair.

She'd hug Owen and have a seat. They'd sit there awkwardly until the applause died down enough for them to be heard. "It's so nice to finally meet you in person, Miss Quinzel." He'd say.

She'd reach over and place a hand on his. "Please, call me Harley! Everyone does!" And after a couple more minutes of getting to know each other he'd say

"Now, we've heard what happened from the trial, and on the radio, and on TV... But we'd love to hear it from you!" He'd say, clapping his hand and making the audience applaud again.

Harley would smile cordially and wait for it to be completely silent.

[Harley]

You know, I always wanted to have my name on the papers. Before I met Ricky, I used to date this wealthy dude, ugly bootlegger. He used to take me out and show me off. Ugly guys like to do that. Once it said in the paper, Sal Maroni seen at movie premier with cute blonde.

[Owen]

That was you?

[Harley]

That was me.

[audience laughs]

[Harley]

You know all my life, I wanted to have my own act. But, no... Always no, they always turned me down. One big world-full of no. And then Ricky came along. Safe sweet Ricky Who never says no. I've never done this before. But you know, it's such a special night. And you are such a great audience! And I really feel like I can talk to you, you know?

[applause]

[Harley]

So forget what you read in the papers. And forget what you heard on the radio. Because... because I'm gonna tell you the truth. Not that the truth really matters. But I'm gonna tell you anyway. In the bed department, Ricky was... zero. I mean, when he made love to me, it was like... he was fixing a carburetor or something. "I-I-I love you, honey..." Anyway, I start to fool around. And I start screwing around. Which is fooling around without dinner. Then I met Amadeus Arkham. He said he could get me a job at Arkham. But that didn't quite work out like I planned. I guess it didn't really work out for Amadeus either. So I gave up the whole idea. lf you can't figure out for all of these, opportunities just pass you by. But... And now, with all this publicity, I got me a world full of yes!

The name on everybody's lips  
Is gonna be  
Harley  
The lady rakin' in the chips  
Is gonna be  
Harley  
I'm gonna be a celebrity  
That means somebody everyone knows  
They're gonna recognize my eyes  
My hair, my teeth, my boobs, my nose  
From just some dumb mechanic's wife  
I'm gonna be  
Harley  
Who says that murders not an art?  
And who in case she doesn't hang  
can say she started with a bang?  
Harley Quinn!

Boys

[Harley and company]  
They're gonna wait outside in line  
To get to see  
Harley  
Think of those autographs I'll sign  
Good luck to you,  
Harley  
And I'll appear in a mink coat  
That goes all the way down to the floor  
Here a ring, there a ring  
Everywhere a ring a ling  
But always in the best of taste

[Owen]

Miss Quinn, you're a star! And the audience loves you

[Harley]

And I love the audience

[Owen]

They love you for loving them.

[Harley]

And I love them for loving me. And we just love each other. That's because none of us got enough love in our childhood. And that's show biz, Kid.

[Harley and company]  
She's giving up her humdrum life  
I'm gonna be  
Harley.  
She made a scandal and a start.  
And yes, Beyoncé will shit, I know  
To see her name get billed below  
Harley Quinn!  
Harley  
Harley  
Harley  
Harley  
Harley  
Harley...

* * *

"Harley!" Selina Kyle yelled, snapping Harley out of her day dream. She'd been sitting in the rec room clipping out her headlines and got caught up in her fantasy again.

"Huh...?" She asked coming out of her daze. "Mind if I join you?" Selina asked approaching the table. Harley looked back down at her newspaper.

Selina sat an produced a box of chocolates. "Look what some guy sent me. Triple cream caramel, all the way from Peru."

She said removing the top and waiving the box under Harley's nose. Harley pushed the box away and picked up her scissors. "Oh, I'm watching my figure. You know, the trial." She said as she started clipping.

[Selina]  
Let me tell you, you're exactly same size as my sister. I mean, you fit into  
her costumes perfectly.

[Harley]  
Really?

[Selina]  
Yeah, and I'm just thinking, you know, with all the publicity piled up between us when Harvey gets us off, we would be a natural to do an act together.

[Harley]  
You think so?

**Batman: **Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Selina Kyle in Act of Desperation

[Selina Kyle: slants her eyes at Batman as he throws down a smoke bomb and disappears]  
My sister and I had an act that couldn't flop  
My sister and I were headed straight for the top  
My sister and I earned a thou a week at least  
Oh, yeah!  
But my sister is now, unfortunately, deceased  
Oh, I know it's sad, of course  
But a fact  
is still a fact  
And now all that remains  
Is the remains  
Of a perfect  
double  
act!  
Watch this.

They have to match it with 2 people.  
It's just all two people.

First I'd...  
Then she'd...  
Then we'd...  
But I can't do it alone!  
Then she'd...  
Then I'd...  
Then we'...  
But I can't do it alone!  
She'd say, "What's your sister like?"  
I'd say, "Men,"  
She'd say, "you're the cat's meow"  
Then we'd wow the crowd again  
When she'd go...  
I'd go...  
We'd go...  
And then those ding-dong daddies started to roar  
Whistled, stomped and stamped on the floor  
Yelling, screaming, begging for more.  
And we'd say, "O.K. fellas, keep your pants up."  
you ain't seen nothin' yet!"  
But I simply cannot do it  
alone!

So what do you think? Come on, you can say it!

[Harley]

Oh! It's just garbage.

[Selina Kyle]  
I know, you're right.  
The first part is shit.  
But the second part...  
Second part is much better.

Ok, When she'd go...  
I'd go...  
We'd go...  
And then those two-bit Johnnies did it up brown  
To cheer the best attraction in town  
They nearly tore the balcony down  
And we'd say. "Okay, boys...  
we're goin' home, but before we go here's a few more partin' shots!"  
And this...  
this we did in perfect unison.  
Now, you've seen me goin' through it  
It may seem there's nothin' to it  
But I simply cannot do it  
Alone!

"So where's the part where you blew her brains out?" Harley asked nonchalantly. Selina sucked her teeth. "C'mon Harl, you're better than that-" She started but Harley cut her off.

"No, don't bother. You think you're fooling me? You're all washed up. And it's me they want now, and l'm a big star. Single. Oh, I almost forgot. You're in the paper today too. In the back. Selina Kyle's trial has been postponed indefinitely. Seven words." She said throwing the little piece of paper in her face.

"Here a little piece of advice. Direct from me to you. Lay off the caramels." Harley said gathering her stuff and storming back to her cell where a certain caped rodent was hiding. He slammed her into a wall and covered her mouth.

"Where's the Joker?" he growled. Her eyes went wide and she bit his gloved hand. Although she could tell that every inch of the suit was bullet proof she still bit down as hard as she could on his hand. He pulled his hand away and stared her in her eyes. "Where is he?" Batman asked desperately, letting her go.

"The hell am i s'posed to know?!" Harley practically yelled. "Who're you talkin' to in there, Miss. Quinn?" A guard asked as he passed by. Harley surveyed her cell to see that it was empty. "No one..." She whispered picking up her journal and a pen.

_I just met the Batman... He's not who he appears to be..._


End file.
